Polyamorous Atheists

I have created a livejournal community for polyamorous atheists. It is: http://community.livejournal.com/poly_atheists .
Atheism is positively correlated to polyamory, so there are many people that may join.

I strongly suspect that the correlation is stronger among heterosexual polyamorists. That is because the same neuropsychological condition that causes homosexuality or bisexuality can also cause one's polyamory (which explains their strong correlation with polyamory). By removing that factor, only a person's ideological character remains as a possible cause of polyamory.

Odd things and observations.

My rant today is based off of my long term observations in my own lifetime, particularly after coming out as Poly.

Here is the thing. About 90% of the Poly women I meet through all sources are married or a functional equivilent. Of those, about 50% are in a functionally or actually monogamous marriage. And an additional 40% exclude the possibility of a male partner.

Of those in monogamous marriages, nearly all, about 80% of the women are very attracted to me in some signifigant way.

Which has led to some very very frustrating experiences, because I'm not willing to be the back door man. This has also led me to despise those couples who have gender exclusions in their Poly relationships.

Interestingly enough, the vast majority of married (or equivilant) Poly women are attracted to me, while the vast majority of single poly women are not.

If anyone has any insights please feel free to share.

*note* All percentages are guestimates based on personal reflection and as such are subject to a +/- 10% error.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed

Poly Project

I have mentioned my polyamory project on my personal LJ a few times but instead of being able to meet with all the people who have volunteered to be interviewed, I have created an online survey. This means strangers can fill it out, too! It eases the process for me, since it will track the data anonymously, and I think it will be easier on those who wish to participate because it is anonymous and doesn't have to be done in person. I hope that my questions are useful and inoffensive. Please do not answer any that cross your boundaries, of course. Also, feel free to hand this around to anyone who is poly friendly- or not, I suppose, as their input is also valuable when painting a picture of the discrimination that polyamorous people face.

Just to make the purpose of this clear: I am going to be doing a presentation in my Culture and Identity class on 12/12 to a room full of future psychotherapists, and I am hoping that I can increase their awareness and support for the poly community in receiving services and advocacy.

Click here to take the survey. Thank you!

Note: there are 2 pages, the next button is at the bottom. the second section is really the more important one (meant for non-poly people too), but does take more time and is more personal. many thanks!

I'm noticing that many people are skipping the essay questions. is it just too much? should i try and make them multiple choice somehow? any ideas?

one year ago

i was in a landmark education seminar "being extraordinary", and i was just looking throught notes from last year, ran across this.

assagnment #1
create a possibility

the possibility that i am creating for myself and my life, is the possibility of getting what i want, and having that work with my family, and my marriage, even if that means an untraditional interpretation of relationship.
i can have my cake, and eat it too.

be careful what you ask for, you might get it.....
sol invictus


Howdy, all.

New to the group, wanted to wave before engaging [lurk] mode.

I'm Daniel, and I'm straight and I'm poly. (Hi, Daniel!)
I live in Seattle. I've been actively poly for about three years. I've been straight all my life ;-).

This group's statement of purpose resonates well with me. I have been doing a lot of work lately on men's spirituality, and this "Basta!" philosophy seems to be a growing sentiment. No, men's mysteries does not mean scratching ourselves and watching the Three Stooges. No, I'm not poly just so I can score a couple of Hot Bi Babes and coerce them into a threesome.

And, for the record, pagan with ceremonial leanings. (Don't get your hopes up, Andrei).

So, anyways, Hi!
  • Current Mood
    cold cold

end of an era/new beginnings

outside, the snow flutters to the ground.
crisp, frozen grass is poised for the cover.
every warning has been given
of inclement weather ahead.
surprise is not my state of mind.
inside my warm house, i am braced
against the blustery cold.
fall leaves, dry from the previous month,
now frozen, crunch beneath the feet
of visitors-come knocking to check, and cherish.
well meaning company comes, and talk goes on for hours.
when bundled feet leave the warmth,
they bustle off through powdery fresh flakes.
they are bound for other warm hearths.
bulbs in the ground, now covered with dusty layers,
harden off for spring blooms.
unharvested onions, and garlic winter-
ready to grow, and multiply when
warmer air, and water comes.
hot foods cook in a stove, stoked up high.
a feast is laid, celebrating what was.
preparations can be made for ritual.
celebration-joyous pondering of things to come.
practitioners set valuable intentions.
speech, and prayer focused on living, and death.
these are times spent waiting for the plow.

(a poem, a meditational about watching a marriage harvested, and cured)


is all this poly talk in my looking good?
my stomach hurts, and my head is swimming , and my chest is tight. my heart is crushed.
i feel like she gave up, and made a show of heartache for 2 weeks, and she is already in a rebound relationship.
today at noon she talked to me about another guy she had a crush on a year or so ago being a possibility for her as her partner now leaves to faraway.
i am hurting.
i still am not really looking for a mate, and i am totally committed to my kids, and really, am looking at wether i'm totally committed to her. she is very clear that she is not committed to me right now, and has it openended wether she will be. i am really questioning my motives in all this polyamory philosophy.
was it all staged to show her i wasn't hurting?
is it all just a show? my actions before our breakup- were they intended to get her attention? or was i trying to bring this to a head? well, i've done that.
when the heat wasn't on, and our relationship was in stagnation, i looked elsewhere for my intimate conversation. i was scared of her, and intimidated as hell by her ways of being. i was helping to grow her negative, and aggressive traits, dodging bullets, and hiding my interests, and activities for fear of her criticism.
now that i see my relationship disolving before my very eyes, i'm scared as hell(cries). i can't believe i've been walked away from. with every heartache, i realize i love her more, and more.
how long can i sustain this space? where is my breaking point?
how long can i keep this going?
it's g