Poly Str8 Male support|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Polyamourous, Straight Male's LiveJournal:
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|Tuesday, January 8th, 2008|
The Florida Poly Retreat (FPR) is a regional level polyamory retreat/conference started in 2003 organized by the polyamory communities of Florida. This year, FPR will be held on March 27-30.
|Saturday, September 29th, 2007|
I have created a livejournal community for polyamorous atheists. It is: http://community.livejournal.com/poly_atheists
Atheism is positively correlated to polyamory, so there are many people that may join.
I strongly suspect that the correlation is stronger among heterosexual polyamorists. That is because the same neuropsychological condition that causes homosexuality or bisexuality can also cause one's polyamory (which explains their strong correlation with polyamory). By removing that factor, only a person's ideological character remains as a possible cause of polyamory.
|Saturday, September 15th, 2007|
Odd things and observations.
My rant today is based off of my long term observations in my own lifetime, particularly after coming out as Poly.
Here is the thing. About 90% of the Poly women I meet through all sources are married or a functional equivilent. Of those, about 50% are in a functionally or actually monogamous marriage. And an additional 40% exclude the possibility of a male partner.
Of those in monogamous marriages, nearly all, about 80% of the women are very attracted to me in some signifigant way.
Which has led to some very very frustrating experiences, because I'm not willing to be the back door man. This has also led me to despise those couples who have gender exclusions in their Poly relationships.
Interestingly enough, the vast majority of married (or equivilant) Poly women are attracted to me, while the vast majority of single poly women are not.
If anyone has any insights please feel free to share.
*note* All percentages are guestimates based on personal reflection and as such are subject to a +/- 10% error. Current Mood: annoyed
|Monday, November 13th, 2006|
I have mentioned my polyamory project on my personal LJ a few times but instead of being able to meet with all the people who have volunteered to be interviewed, I have created an online survey. This means strangers can fill it out, too! It eases the process for me, since it will track the data anonymously, and I think it will be easier on those who wish to participate because it is anonymous and doesn't have to be done in person. I hope that my questions are useful and inoffensive. Please do not answer any that cross your boundaries, of course. Also, feel free to hand this around to anyone who is poly friendly- or not, I suppose, as their input is also valuable when painting a picture of the discrimination that polyamorous people face.
Just to make the purpose of this clear: I am going to be doing a presentation in my Culture and Identity class on 12/12 to a room full of future psychotherapists, and I am hoping that I can increase their awareness and support for the poly community in receiving services and advocacy.Click here to take the survey. Thank you!
Note: there are 2 pages, the next button is at the bottom. the second section is really the more important one (meant for non-poly people too), but does take more time and is more personal. many thanks!
I'm noticing that many people are skipping the essay questions. is it just too much? should i try and make them multiple choice somehow? any ideas?
|Wednesday, December 21st, 2005|
one year ago
i was in a landmark education seminar "being extraordinary", and i was just looking throught notes from last year, ran across this.
create a possibility
the possibility that i am creating for myself and my life, is the possibility of getting what i want, and having that work with my family, and my marriage, even if that means an untraditional interpretation of relationship.
i can have my cake, and eat it too.
be careful what you ask for, you might get it.....
|Friday, December 2nd, 2005|
New to the group, wanted to wave before engaging [lurk] mode.
I'm Daniel, and I'm straight and I'm poly. (Hi, Daniel!)
I live in Seattle. I've been actively poly for about three years. I've been straight all my life ;-).
This group's statement of purpose resonates well with me. I have been doing a lot of work lately on men's spirituality, and this "Basta!" philosophy seems to be a growing sentiment. No, men's mysteries does not mean scratching ourselves and watching the Three Stooges. No, I'm not poly just so I can score a couple of Hot Bi Babes and coerce them into a threesome.
And, for the record, pagan with ceremonial leanings. (Don't get your hopes up, Andrei).
So, anyways, Hi! Current Mood: cold
|Tuesday, November 8th, 2005|
end of an era/new beginnings
outside, the snow flutters to the ground.
crisp, frozen grass is poised for the cover.
every warning has been given
of inclement weather ahead.
surprise is not my state of mind.
inside my warm house, i am braced
against the blustery cold.
fall leaves, dry from the previous month,
now frozen, crunch beneath the feet
of visitors-come knocking to check, and cherish.
well meaning company comes, and talk goes on for hours.
when bundled feet leave the warmth,
they bustle off through powdery fresh flakes.
they are bound for other warm hearths.
bulbs in the ground, now covered with dusty layers,
harden off for spring blooms.
unharvested onions, and garlic winter-
ready to grow, and multiply when
warmer air, and water comes.
hot foods cook in a stove, stoked up high.
a feast is laid, celebrating what was.
preparations can be made for ritual.
celebration-joyous pondering of things to come.
practitioners set valuable intentions.
speech, and prayer focused on living, and death.
these are times spent waiting for the plow.
(a poem, a meditational about watching a marriage harvested, and cured)
|Saturday, October 15th, 2005|
|Thursday, October 13th, 2005|
is all this poly talk in my looking good?
my stomach hurts, and my head is swimming , and my chest is tight. my heart is crushed.
i feel like she gave up, and made a show of heartache for 2 weeks, and she is already in a rebound relationship.
today at noon she talked to me about another guy she had a crush on a year or so ago being a possibility for her as her partner now leaves to faraway.
i am hurting.
i still am not really looking for a mate, and i am totally committed to my kids, and really, am looking at wether i'm totally committed to her. she is very clear that she is not committed to me right now, and has it openended wether she will be. i am really questioning my motives in all this polyamory philosophy.
was it all staged to show her i wasn't hurting?
is it all just a show? my actions before our breakup- were they intended to get her attention? or was i trying to bring this to a head? well, i've done that.
when the heat wasn't on, and our relationship was in stagnation, i looked elsewhere for my intimate conversation. i was scared of her, and intimidated as hell by her ways of being. i was helping to grow her negative, and aggressive traits, dodging bullets, and hiding my interests, and activities for fear of her criticism.
now that i see my relationship disolving before my very eyes, i'm scared as hell(cries). i can't believe i've been walked away from. with every heartache, i realize i love her more, and more.
how long can i sustain this space? where is my breaking point?
how long can i keep this going?
|Saturday, October 8th, 2005|
Same as it ever was----only honest
heather went out last night preplanned-she had a conversation with me about it letting me know it was a date, and she asked if she could come back in the morning, instead of late at night.
be careful what i ask for it just might happen.
poly lovestyle has me ok with what happened last night, knowing that her
freedom takes presidence over my jealousy.
people will have emotions, me included.
i expected that i would be triggered the first time she saw someone
even though i expected the emotions to come, i didn't have any real idea
what that might look like.
...i can generate things, and relationships in my life into whateve ri want .
i have created that with every new experience heather is free to have, she will have more
opportunities to grow, and will become a more dynamic, and effective parent
as well as partner.
i value the work that we have left to do, and am committed to being as effective a person as i can be,
as well as being in integrity in my relationships.
i owe it to my friends, to thank them here, and in person for being who youall are.
i love you all very much, my life is my relationships-and that is you.=((
Current Mood: thoughtful
|Monday, October 3rd, 2005|
|Friday, September 30th, 2005|
china doll/unforgetable pease post it publicly if you find it appropriate
features etched in flesh
skin milky smooth
bend down gracefully, lips brushing softly
your sleepy eyes meet mine
merging in the air between us
so dilectable to behold
they wait to be traced
by my wanting fingers
you call out silently to me
in the mild morning light
the spring air flows
not holding back
prescious times spent
living in the now
those delicate limbs
are draped affectionately
caring touch so crisp, sincere
that figure so perfect
molded in porcelain
effortless infatuation Current Mood: tingly
|Wednesday, September 28th, 2005|
poly literature (really i just fell in love with her instantly)
a poly friend of mine suggested reading a book today. i went to the website of the author, and am definitely ordering it. it got great reviews from my friend, and i wanted to pass on the info. i'll post a review as soon as i devour it.
the author is Wendy O. Matik
the title is "Redifining our Relationships:Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships
the's also just great. looking around her website i just fell in love with her. her message is so great.
this human being is playing a really big game, and making a stand of love among waves of anger. right on. Current Mood: inspired
|Tuesday, September 27th, 2005|
my currently legal wife(read CO-PARENT) and i have been married for 7 years, and have finally mended the marriage fence by redifining our relationship. we haven't practiced poly, but have run the gammut of marriage troubles. we've both cheated, and more importantly have found much of our intimacy with our friends, and greater community. inside the cage of our matrimony, i've found an inability to express myself fully, and sinse we've opened our relationship, even though i haven't been active, i feel so much more at ease and able to express myself with my friends. i have known a few poly couples, and identify with the basic philosophy and way of being. i see myself gently exploring open relationship, and all i see is possibility. the only thing about our marriage that has been stifling was the agreement that we were wrong for feeling what we really were.
i have been talking about being more open for a while, and she just couldn't let it go there. it's funny how seperate two people really are no matter what's said at the alter.
i look forward to keeping in touch with this community, and look forward to getting to know you all.
finding a support network where there is good conversation on the subject is a breath of fresh air. Current Mood: exhuberant
|Sunday, July 10th, 2005|
|Friday, May 13th, 2005|
new member... new to polyamory
I've lurked a bit, and have deceided to step in and join. I'm impressed with the perspectives I've read here, and thought I'd say hello, and post a question or two.
I'm a straight male living in the LA area. I've always considered myself a monogomous person, but I've been involved with a poly-female for over a year. From the very beginning of our relationship, I knew she was poly, and accepted that fact without a single notion of hoping that would change. After a few months of dating, she left her primary, and her secondary just kinda fell off the map as well. So by happenstance, we found ourselves being, at least in the moment, monogomous together. With some time passing, I could see my partner's desire for another female in her life, something by biological definition, I cannot provide. We communicated about it, about what would work, and what wouldn't, and then released our expectations to let life just happen as it should. A few months ago, another female came into our lives like clockwork, and I began my first exploration into polyamory myself. We were both dating her, and despite the initial bumps in the road, it was an incredibly beautiful and harmonious experience. Being that the three of us are also active in the BDSM-lifestyle, and all three of us are switches, we explored that as well. To make a long story short, during a scene with our secondary, (my first time submitting to her alone), there was a breach of trust on her part. It took me awhile for me to finally voice this to her, and when I finally did, she just kinda disappeared.
My intent for droning on and on about this is two-fold.
First, I needed to speak out about this, and thank you for having this community to do so. I don't feel comfortable communicating this to any other polyamory or BDSM community, as I've found them to be rather combative.
Second, and most important. This situation really effected my relationship between my primary and myself, even though she had nothing to do with it. It took me weeks to even realize that this breach of trust impacted the trust between us. I love her more than I can put into words, and the notion that problems between me and a secondary could effect my relationship with my primary, terrifies me. Are there any words of advice or perspective out there?
Sorry for the length, and any mistakes in my poly-vocabulary. I'm new at this, and delving into unexplored regions of myself.
|Sunday, December 26th, 2004|
Not new to Poly... not new to Live Journal... just new here.
And might I say I'm pleased to have found this.
*goes back to reading past long since dead posts*
|Monday, September 20th, 2004|
Greetings and Salutations to all my brothers! I just wanted to send some goodwill towards you all and share my wonderful poly weekend. I'm relativly new to poly and, like most newbs have had the "is this really for me?" thoughts. It fit with what I always wanted, but you still have those old "circuts" running until you actually rewire them with something else. Saturday I spent a the night with a friend I'd been seeing casually for a couple months now. She is the secondary of another friend of mine, and is also his roommate. It was a wonderful experience. The next day I went out with another friend who I have always had a certain attraction towards and discovered (throught the liberal application of a hot tub) that we have an awesome gut level sexual chemestry. Anyway...life is good :) Current Mood: mellow
|Thursday, September 16th, 2004|
*sigh* and the band plays on...
Well, aparently creating this community has caused a bit of an uproar over in polyamory
So far the comments have consisted of:Bi-FYou're kidding, right? Do you honestly think that straight men are a minority among polyfolk? Or anywhere else?However, referring to straight men, who as an (admittedly, diverse) demographic have more power and privilege than any other demographic, as a "minority" is ridiculous
Bi-MYeah, I've made it clear elsewhere what I think of this claim [that straight men are excluded, stereotyped, and made to feel uncomfortable]. In a word: Inane.
I finally came up with a realization after that last comment.. I responded:
Does anyone see the irony in the fact that telling a poly-str8 he is inane for feeling excluded.
There have been repeated times on this thread where people have said, "You shouldn't feel that way. That feeling is rediculous. There is no need for your group." And those arguments have primarily come from the people who aren't str8-poly.
Could it be that this thread may be self-proof of, "Perhaps we who aren't poly-str8-males don't actually see or understand how the poly-str8-males in our community feel"
Let's take a step back for the moment, breathe, and ask ourselves... are we being as accepting to them as we demand out non-polyamourous friends to be of us?
Edit: The response to this from the previous poster was:
Oh, get off the bleedin' cross already.
Feel free to use the link to the post. Current Mood: annoyed